Love,

Almost a year into our relationship, and I’m amazed that there is still capacity to fall for each other more.

So many things in life are mediocre. Love should not be one of them.

Only a week and a half of this hellish schedule of final projects, presentations, and finals. THE FREEDOM OF SUMMER IS NEAR. So many things to look forward to! Possibly a well-paid temporary job (hopefully), road trip to SD for San Diego Zoo Safari and Phil’s BBQ with Paul, and Korea with the best fwend! <3 CAN’T. WAIT.

나 정말 할머니 때문에 마음 아파 죽을꺼 같다…

How does God decide who is fated with shitty circumstances? How is that just? 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED ONE IN MY LIFE.

After returning back to the Sunday routine following many months of not attending church, I have realized 2 things.

1. Christians don’t know how to pray. Or, they know how to “pray” too well. One of my first observations upon returning to church was that our generation’s Christians pray so insincerely. We follow certain “templates” of prayer, filled with lofty Christian lingo and over-used phrases like, “God, won’t you pierce our hearts with your Word today” (verbatim). Really? How much of these prayers do we actually, sincerely mean? Do we even know what we’re praying, or are we just reciting and regurgitating what we’ve heard prayed so many times before?

2. Maybe I’ve become a cynic. Today the message referred to a passage in which Jesus refuses physical food because the very work of God is His food. My pastor explained that Jesus literally prioritized God’s work over life itself, then concluded that we, too, must do the same. Seriously, the first thing I thought was “or MAYBE this is possible for Jesus because he knew that he was sent to this Earth to die for God’s purpose and all of humanity?”

I don’t know…  

How much has changed in a year… Such a stark, stark contrast.

“Vices.

We find safety hiding behind our walls built half with pride, half with fear. But one day, you gotta have the courage to love someone or something more than your own pride.”

I wrote this on April 14th, 2011.

I still find myself valuing my pride over almost anything. It’s my anti-vulnerability mechanism. I’d much rather let an emotion eat me up inside than put down my pride and admit to being… human.   

1. I would much rather prefer to be hot than cold.
2. I’ve become such a tired old lady!! It’s a tiredness that apparently a full night’s 8 hour sleep cannot cure. D:
3. HOW can someone’s presence on a social network be SO freaking annoying to me when I’m not even friends with that person…?! Why are you everywhere?! UGH.  

I LOVE:

- How despite that fact that we’ve been extremely busy & it’s been SO hard to see each other lately, we still make time for each other. (Even if it means going to Joanne’s house at 2 AM.
- The ridiculous shit we talk about at these late hours of the night when we should be studying. :)